Solo Dance by Li Kotomi

Author:Li Kotomi
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: World Editions
Published: 2021-10-07T11:20:46+00:00

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CHAPTER 12

Thursday July 3: Clear skies followed by clouds

Today is the day of my bimonthly hospital visit. I’m not sure if there’s any point in seeing the doctor, but the old hospital ward of the National Taiwan University Hospital where the psychiatric department is located is this brick building that I can’t say I dislike. The main hospital building is a relic of Japanese colonial rule and I like the pomp of its Renaissance-style design, and the old ward is so quiet you forget about the bustle around you and that from Changde Street and Zhongshan South Road outside. Whenever I come I have to wait two to three hours before being called to the examining room, but when I get out a book and read it under the not-too-bright golden sun that filters in through the window, I sometimes forget I’m a patient in a hospital. On the other side of the window is a beautiful green lawn.

Friday August 8: Sudden thunderstorms in the afternoon

Xiaoxue is coming. I looked online for this year’s university intakes, and I saw the name Yang Haoxue alongside the words National Taiwan University, School of Social Sciences.

Xiaoxue hasn’t contacted me. She could at least have told me she got in. But I can’t blame her. After all that awful stuff I said, how much pain I caused her, I bet she thinks the further away from me she is the better. I know we’re at the same university, but she probably doesn’t want anything to do with me. Funny how her wish came true after leaving me. There was nothing good to come of being with me. Our being in love led to tragedy and ushered in destruction. Even if nothing had happened to me that night, I’m sure we would have gone our separate ways anyway. I mean, it’s true—what we had was wrong.

Thursday September 18: Clouds

It’s been four days since the start of the new school year. We can still change classes, but my timetable’s already so full with required modules that I barely managed to sign up to the Chinese Literature Department’s Readings from the Songs of Chu and Selected Contemporary Novels courses.

My appointment last week made me miss the first class on the Songs of Chu. There’s a lot of students taking it and the first week’s only the usual course-outline stuff so there’s no real negatives to missing it, but for some reason I felt really anxious.

It’s not just today, I’ve been feeling on edge recently. With the arrival of all the new freshers, the campus suddenly feels so much smaller. The canteen is always packed at lunchtime now and simply being there makes me feel like I’m going to collapse from oxygen deprivation. I feel even worse when I think that Xiaoxue is probably somewhere nearby.

Wednesday October 1: Rain

We were practising counting words in Japanese Conversation II today. The professor said, “All you kids are smart, so you should have lots of babies and pass on your

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